: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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