I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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