True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let's get the cat blown out
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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