i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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