i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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