Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
