I heard we made out
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
