nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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