3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
