Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
