when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
