Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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