True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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