Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
