is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
