Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
