my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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