I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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