Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
