I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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