i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
