Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
