I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
