is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
