Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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