Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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