my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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