just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
