Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
