I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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