Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
