True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
COCAINE IS GR8
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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