So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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