Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
