Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
