After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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