Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
