What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
