it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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