The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
