I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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