I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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