how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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