I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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