If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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