We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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