this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
