i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
