it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
