You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
