I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
