I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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